Leilani Rose: 2012

Her funeral was held on Friday at 11 a.m. Friends and family traveled from Utah, Idaho, Montana, and South Dakota to see her for the last time. We followed the body from the teepee in Crowheart on the half-an-hour drive to the Rocky Mountain Hall in Fort Washakie where the ceremony was to be held. A long string of cars followed behind the hearse, never passing to the front as it would mean that they expected another death to occur. It was raining, a good sign as it was to wash her footsteps away from the places she had been. Once there, the immediate family followed the casket into the room where the others had been seated and waiting. Everyone stood up and the Eagle Drum Group played as we all walked in. The beat of the drums was so strong and powerful; it felt as if it was going through you as you walked.

"Don't look back," said Harley as we walked behind the pallbearers. The rest of the day, I tried not to look behind me as I thought of Jovan. She was buried with part of a wild rose bush with thorns; when she turns to glance back, the thorns will poke her and have her remember to always look and move forward.

We sat down as the drummers ended their song. TJ and I sat in the second row, his aunties and uncles and grandmother in front of us. As the casket was set in the middle, tables on both sides contained pictures and flower pieces. A prayer was given and thoughts were shared. A friend of hers read the program; a poem inside, "I'm Free", read:

Don't grieve for me for now I'm free.

I'm following the path God laid for me.

I took his hand when I heard him call.

I turned my back and left it all.

I could not stay another day,

To laugh, to love, to work, or play.

Tasks left undone must stay that way,

I've found that peace at the close of day.

If my parting has left a void,

Then fill it with remembered joy.

A friendship shared, a laugh, a kiss,

Ah yes, these things I too will miss.

Be not burdened with times of sorrow:

I wish you the sunshine of tomorrow.

My life's been full I've savored much,

Good times, good friends, a loved one's touch.

Perhaps my time seemed all to brief,

Don't lenghten it now with undue grief.

Lift up your heart and share with me,

God wanted me now, he set me free

Another friend of hers, Jennifer, sang an original song that Jovan had said she liked. The lyrics spoke of having a hard time letting go and moving forward. Another friend told a story of how her daughter didn't have a dress to wear to dance at one of the powwows; Jovan insisted on making her one as her friend said not to do anything too extravagant. The next day as she went to pick up the dress, Jovan presented such a special and beautiful piece. The friend described it as, 'decked out and amazing' as Jovan said that she was going to add bells to it as well. 'That's just the kind of girl she was'. She then went on to say that she was going to take care of and do as much as she could for Jovan's two girls; she will treat them as they were her own as Jovan would have done the same for her.

Jovan's mother, Jodi, said a few words. She spoke of how she recently got to spend a lot of the time with Jovan and the girls. She touched upon Jovan's childhood, and how she had 'messed up' as a mother at that time, but that she still knew that Jovan loved her despite the mistakes she had made. She talked of how hard it is to say goodbye to her baby girl. No parent should have to bury their child. Sammi, the auntie, had a really hard time too; she had raised Jovan when Jodi was going through a hard time. "At least, Jovan and grandma (TJ's grandma's sister who had passed the year before) will be together. We are burying Jovan with her sewing kit so that they can sew together".

A powerpoint was shown. There were so many pictures of her, showing different stages of life. When a picture of a young Jovan and TJ came up, TJ started to cry. He kept whispering, "Jovan. Jovan, Jovan!" I don't know all of the names of the songs that were played, but one of them - She's My Kind of Rain by Tim Mcgraw - was her favorite country song.

Everyone was invited to stand in line to see her. The women, then the men, and the family were to be last. There were so many people in line. Just to have everyone walk through took over 2 hours. She had so many friends come to visit. The restaurant that she worked at had closed for the day for her funeral. The family sat in the front row and when the people reached the end of the line and saw her, they walked over to the front row and hugged/shook hands of each family member. I shook so many hands that day.

The hardest part was going up with the family. TJ was completely overcome with emotion as he gripped the sides of the casket to hold him up. He kept staring at her face as he yelled her name over and over again. His mother kept saying, "Keep crying, let it all out". I could see him shaking as his hands were whitened by how tightly he was holding on. He sobbed for minutes, his tears falling onto her hands. Alicia "Ishi", Jovan's sister, was the last to see her. She leaned over and into the casket, resting her forehead against her sister's for the last time. Her short hair, cut in mourning, fell over the side as she caressed her sister's body in a silent goodbye. She cried, her tears falling onto Jovan's face as she held her hands.

"I love you, sister. I'll miss you."